if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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