Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
