now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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