can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
