Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
