Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
