I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
