When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
