We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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