well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
