i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i came on her dog
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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