At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
