sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
