This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
