Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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