my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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