How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
