i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
