wat bout pragnant strippers??
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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