Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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