Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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