During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
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She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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