I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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