He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
