i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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