and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
