The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
