Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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