went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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