Who did Billy Mays play for?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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