i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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