he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
