I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
