after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
