I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am naked and annoyed.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
