it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
