Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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