I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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