my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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