He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
