He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
