Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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