I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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