You're my little dorito
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize