Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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