fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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