I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
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Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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