paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
