Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
