Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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