well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my vag is so smooth its legendary
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
party gras won. party gras always wins.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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