Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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