he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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