It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
