Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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