i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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