Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize