I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
