Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
