The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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